Of course all girls have their deepest insecurities and my weight is one of mine . This is probably due to the fact that I was super chubby growing up. Something that didn't really help was the fact that I was constantly teased and ridiculed. Kids are mean-- my cousins made up a song that went something like "there once a pig named porky she ate and ate and never stopped" lol I can laugh about it now. Also, Korean people are very blunt-- my relatives used to come over and tell me straight up I was fat.
I think I'm average now and a lot skinnier than I was growing up. A healthy size for my height although I wish I could shed a few pounds-- who doesn't? Regardless, I like to think that I have grown up to be a beautiful, well-rounded person. I'm not really the type to be super insecure or to obsess over my weight but I feel as if I do a bit in Seoul.
What made me really think about cutting back some calories and working out was during my first time bargain shopping in Dongdeamun. There are a couple un-spoken expectations about bargain shopping in Korea.
1) If your a foreigner who's Korean is rough they will raise the price A LOT.
2) You can haggle prices but you have to be whiny-assertive.
3) If you haggle down a price super low they will basically tell you to f-off or go away.
4) The vendors will be super-duper nice to you when you are looking at their products but if you don't buy it they will be assholes.
5) You can't try on clothes. Some rare vendors will have a small curtain for you to try on clothes.
6) When you try on clothes your basically saying "your going to buy it" and if you don't buy if wait for their wrath... (Maybe I "their wrath" is a bit exaggerated but they are definitely not happy if you don't buy what you try on).
So this leads to my story. I didn't know about the last point. I tried on this pretty pink chiffon dress. The sales lady told me I could have for $90 although I'm sure it was worth about $30. Let's face it some clothes look good on the rack and not on you. I wasn't about to spend $90 on a dress that I didn't even like. The old ajuma saw the "I dont want it" look on my face and as I was in the change room to take it off she asks me friend "oh does she not like it because she thinks she looks fat?" and my friend was like "uh no?". I know this lady knew I could understand Korean so she then proceeded to say to my friend and 3 other girls looking at her store, "oh well you need to be really skinny to look good in that dress". I'm not sure if what she said was to get under my skin/ I'm really fat/ she didn't meant it as a diss. Regardless, it really hurt my feelings and reminded me of all the negativity from my chubby youth.
Now I know I shouldn't have let the words of some random, bitchy Korean lady ruin my day or resonate with me since then. But I'm only human, and it did. It ruined my mood for the rest of the day and I ate 3 bites from my dinner. I'm not saying this experience has ruined my Korea-trip or it has made me depressed since then. I basically got over it the next day but sub-consciously I'm constantly thinking about my weight.
My resolution? I've tried to work out regularly and to be less-lazy. I even take the stairs to my 6th floor dorm. I want to clarify, I am not doing it to fit into Seoul's expectation of beauty (maybe a little bit?) but I have wanted to shed a couple of pounds for a while now and I know that being healthier is better for me. I want to make sure I don't lose sight of doing this for me and not because of what that lady said about me or how kids used to tease me as a child. I'm not saying I'm going to come back to Canada 30 pounds lighter but I want to look at this experience and change for the better/healtiher or accept that fact that I'm beautiful as I am and I will never be 90 lbs and that's ok. Afterall, as mentioned in my other posts I'm here to step out of my comfort zone, face new challenges, have new perspectives in life.
My mission may be close to impossible here due to all the drinking and eating but I'll let you guys know how it goes. I was a little embarrassed to write this post but I feel a lot better now that I got it off my chest. I know there are many girls out there that feel obsessive, embarrassed, ashamed, sad, self-conscious, insecure about their weight and let those feelings get the best of them. But I think talking about it helps. In regards to your body, relationships, accomplishments etc. I think its especially important to realize that no one can make you happy but YOU.
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| This picture isn't from Seoul. I took/edited it for an IAT 100 project titled "Self and Place". Running serves as an outlet to better my mind and body. When running I have time alone to escape from life's issues, think and work to accomplish my goals. |
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| Dongdeamun shopping |
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| Girls be prepared when you enter men's section all the male sales reps hound/holla like wild dogs its rather intimidating |
